Don't fall off the mountain top...
I can get on top of the mountain from where I am now!

ISAIAH 2:1-8

Show me you ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Saviour, and my hope is in you... (Psalm 25:4-7)

Perfection is not ours to have

Is perfection our end goal?

If it is, I have a long way to go. It is challenging and heart breaking to please anyone. I used to feel I have a good handle on my life. I use to be the oh-so-knowing-independent teen. I had the energy and confidence that I can handle things and I'm well-matured for my age. Now I'm older, I realized I had the teenage syndrome bad! I'm passed my teens and I'm supposedly wiser but I feel inexperienced with life. I may have experienced love but not mastered my love life. I may have dealt with my hot temparament but not mastered patience. I may have finished my nursing bachelor's degree but not my career. I may have graduated from my teenage years but I'm just starting my young adult years. I'm have a long way to perfection.

Does God demands perfection from us?

Do you know God will command His angels to shut quiet so He can listen to us worship. If we think about it between angels' voice and ours, angels definetly win. They have this mystical "angelic" voice and we have our tone deaf, high pitched, non-lasting voice but God always choose to listen to us. Do you know God has over 30,000 promises to men in the Bible. As humans we are given so many promises that only our species can have. Futhermore, these are no ordinary promises--its eternal promises but not all we claim.Do you know that we have the most freedom any living thing can have. We can do whatever we want. I like the movie where angels were jealous of humans. Some of the angels gave up their mortality to have a short time of being human. This movie may be fiction but I like the thought were the perfect creation are jealous of us.

God is always waiting for us but we fail to speak to Him. Over 30,000 promises are reserved for us but we fail to claim it all, some choose to forfeit it. We are given free will but we fail to be free from the world. There are even those who try their hardest to isolate themselves from God because they want to be free from the thought that a God rules over them yet they imprison themselved with vices.

I embrace my humanity but it does not mean I embrace my individuality. I'm not speaking of individuality being unique. I am unique, we all are. I speak individuality in a sense of independence or dependence on my own humanity. There are choices to be done and I'm not confident to do it on my own. I am prideful, reckless and undisciplined. These are few of my human trade marks.

I'm greatful I know I have the choice to rely on God who can never fail me. Despite of stressful circumstances, my soul tells me God got me wraped around His arms. I am confident He will never leave nor forsake me. I also know He will love me more during my imperfections. All this is true as long as I keep my individuality; humanity in check. Why would I depend on mysself, if I can depend on someone who is perfect.

I am not perfect but I have a perfect God.

O. Chambers mentioned in one of his devotional book, Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection. He defines Christian perfection as the "perfection of relationship to God wihch shows itself amid the irrelevancies of human life.Thoughts about ourselves hinder our uselfulness to God. God is not after perfecting us to be a specimen in His showroom; He is getting us to the place where He can use us.

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Venting Out vs. Nagging Out

As humans, we have this need to vent out and nag. These are ways to empty our emotional bottle. I also think we think too much of ourselves (deliberately or not). In reality, there is someone out there who is suffering far more than we do. I agree when O. Chambers states "[we] tendency is to look for the marvelous in our experience." We put too much of a big deal to what is and just happened to us.

I am blessed and thankful to live in Canada. My parents work hard to give me and my siblings what they did not have growing up in a ghetto part of the Phillipiines. My family may not have the monetary richness that can allow me to buy anything I want, but I never missed a meal and never had to sleep in the streets; but I am guilty of venting and nagging whenever I am with problems. When I get overwhelm and fail to my vices, I search for marvelous reason, why things are happening--makes me feel special and justified. My favorite character in the early BC, King David, was far better in handling troubles and persecutions. According to history, David is a vent-out-kind of a guy. The only difference between his and my venting out, he vents out to God who listens and can do something. That is why his venting moments were compiled into Psalms. Half of his Psalms are about him venting out. Another difference is after he vent out, he fully rely on God. No wonder his venting outs became Psalms and mine did not.

Nagging, on the other hand, leads to bitterness. Nothing happens so we nag, nag, and nag some more. Even after everything gets better we nag just because we experienced it. Nagging is to bother with repeated complains about insignificant matters. Things we complain becomes insignificant because people tend to brush it off. "I've heard that before" is commonly the notion in the response we get. Dictionary defines it as "to verbally abuse".

One character that is well known to nag is Job's wife. She is introduced after Job, one of the richest and greatest men of his time. However to prove Job' s faithfulness to God, both her and Job suffered from attacks of the enemy. She suffered almost as much as Job did. Except for her health, she too lost her children, live stock, and security. However, her response were different from her husband. She (Job 2:9; 19:17; 31:1O) has been called everything from the "adjutant of the devil" to the "faithful attendant upon her husband's misery". Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I myself may succumb into bitterness, and anger if I face the same misfortune. I'm no super woman and far from the expelimentary character of faithfulness and discipline of Job. Fortunately, due to Job's faithfulness, God gave back what they have lost and much more.

When we vent out, we tend to receive empathy. When we nag, we tend to receive a brush off or forced compliance. Which way is better? David was definetly heard and led to overcome his troubles, Job's nagging wife got the leprosy. We need to vent out otherwise we'll explode after being bottled up but be cautious, there's a fine line between venting out and nagging. Lets try not to exaggerate things and be in such misery. Let's live and love life. Give God all the thanksgiving. We don't need to make such a big fuzz about troubles and weaknesses, we all meant to have it and God dealt with it. He won the war! We just need to win the battles, even then God is with us.

Catch the Rhythm of the Heart

I'm a nurse and I consider it pure joy to be one. Its a calling and far more than a job. I learned from nursing school those who decided to go to nursing because of money later on become the bitter nurses or close to being Nurse Hatchet, the coldly efficient controling nurse who conducts theraphy session only to reinforce her patients' weaknesses. One can also get to be the oh-so-honourable Queen Nurse. There can only one Queen Nurse per ward. She knows everything about the ward and very meticulously knowledgeable in theory and nursing experience. The Queen Nurse can be very informative and helpful but her ego flares up. She is on top of everything and everything works for her; thus, change is not an option.

I'm a cardiac nurse and heart is mine to master. To name a few, I am thankful for beta blockers, nitro and ECG monitor. Pacemaker and Angiogram are also on top of the things I am thankful. The level and ranges of intervention and prevention we have to day surely increase our chances to live longer despite of our faulty health choices.

In the ward I work, the load is heavy in assessment and intervention. There were also down times where I can brush up on my medical theories and policies and increase team morale through chatting with collegues. I had rotations that somewhat challenging but there were also that totally pushed me to stretch and step out from my comfort zone.

Story: It was the second day of my rotation and very promising to be a smooth day. Second day is better than first because I've met my patients the day before and had situated a plan care already. However, few hours after the shift started we called for Code Blue, a patient of my collegue suddenly lost consciousness with dropping BP and rapid heart rate. CODE BLUE is when a pack of expert staff rush in to intervene in a situation that is detrimental to a patient's life. Imagine episodes in ER but less drama and love affairs. The patient that coded ended up being transfered to ICU for one to one nursing care. That afternoon, we were told the patient had a massive cranial bleeding and had a stoke.

Obviously the day started busy but it was manageable. One of my patient was a 91 years old who came in with a heart failure. I had him before and he and his family know me. Despite of his heart failure, he looks well for a 91 year old. He told me he used to be a professional trainer, who trains athletes to compete in olympics. One funny sitution I had with him and his son was when I was changing his IV dressing and I had to take off the old run down tape and it was very painful for him due to his hairy arms. He sounded like I was waxing him. His son said, "a lot of athletes right now are cheering for you." His son added that back then there was only tape to wrap patient hands, or legs or arms and taking it off was brutal. As his son was telling the story, I imagine echoing of cries of well built athletes in the locker room. We all laughed and my heart smiled when I saw my patient's smile as we reminsiced about his years of fulfilled life.

That day, my patient complained of being nauseated. I gave him gravol with great effect but the nausea soon came back. The day went on and my patient still nauseated but refused to have some more gravol. He stayed in bed all day. Late in my shift, I went out of ward for my dinner break. I left my patient eating his dinner with his son helping him. After my break, the ward was freaky quiet. The unit clerk was attentively watching the tele monitor as if watching a movie. One of the senior nurse came out from my patient's room. She looked worried. I went in to my patient's room and found him grasping for air. I was stunned. I was not yet updated what was happening but I knew things were not looking good. When my collegue updated me, I learned that she saw in the monitor that my patient's heart rhythm critically changed so she checked up on him. She found him short of breath walking from the BR with his son assisting him. She safely guided him back to bed and check his vitals. The patient's hear was racing, he was diaphoretic and oxygen supplement was not helping with his breathing. I came back from my break after 20 minutes his symptoms started. 5 minutes later he died. I witnessed his death; I saw his face change from color flesh to grey, I watched him take his last breath, and I catched the rhythm of his heart fail. He died from a heart attack.

In situations like this... do I still want to be a nurse? definitely Yes! its challenging and fulfilling. It can be dreary and grey but often times it so rewarding.

The Mystery of Driving

I 've been in the passenger's seat for too long and one of my goal this year is to be a licensed driver. I had my learner's permit since 2002. I didn't pursue my license eagerly in the past because I didn't see it necessary since I can't afford a car. Fortunatley, I made my parents so happy and proud in finishing nursing this year that they extravagantly set aside a car money for me. I saw the cheque, I saw it! Their not backing out in one condition-- I need to show them my driver's license.

How hard can a driving test be? I gladly driven and faced the exciting traffic and ubrupt changing climate of Metro Manila. I also driven a in the the torrid dessert of Kingdom of Saudi Arabia (KSA) ... I'm destined to be a driver...

But for some reason, I just can't qualify to get a level 7 license. Don't even ask how many times I took my driving test. I'll give you the equation and leave it at that: atleast once a year I tried.

I wonder why? my baby brother and sisters enjoy my driving.

To be honest, I'm getting frustrated but I still have my hope, I still dream of long trips and joy rides for my future, convoys and drive throughs as well...

Few months ago, I went to Philippines to visit my family and here is the list that I learned from expert jeepney drivers and experienced cab drivers. I also included the lessons I learned watching drivers in Canada.

• When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
• Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
• The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
• Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guys might be looking for an insurance claim and doesn't have anything to lose.
• Turn signals will give away your next move
• Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered going with the flow
• The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit
• If you want your insurance company to pay for a new rear bumper, come to a complete stop at all stop signs
• Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in during rush hour
• Master street corners where police mobile typically park.
• Never speed up in a lane construction closure. As my professionally licensensed beloved friend says, it's "double-the-penalty" if you get caught.
• Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire
• If the driver in front of you, especially a truck, flashes his left turn signal a few times, he may be telling you that it is safe to pass. But he may be wrong.
• If a driver approaching from the opposite direction flashes his headlights it may mean, "police ahead, watch your speed", or "I have screwed up big time by trying pass this vehicle so please give me some room by heading for the shoulder."
• The largest vehicle has the right of way, except deer always have the right of way and squerrels come second.

Therefore, before this year ends...

I will be a licensed driver.

Why Go To Church?

A Church goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.. "I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can't remember a single one of them. So, I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column,
much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote
this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked
some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu
for a single one of those meals But I do know this. They all nourished me
and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me
these meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone
to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!" When you are
DOWN to nothing... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible,
believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank God for our
physical AND our spiritual nourishment!

When Satan is knocking at your door, simply say, "Jesus,
could you get that for me?"

(Forwarded Email)

God, Why?

I am not a great writer and not as eliquent as other blogers but I choose to share hoping that it might help those who are similarly situated as me--imperfect and who fails miserably during temptations.

I have asked God countless times why He made me weak and imperfect that bring me so much distress and loneliness. I have asked Him to change me and my circumstances. I have asked Him who I am and where my place is. I also asked Him why do I have to cry...

I did not get straight forward answers because I was asking the wrong questions. My questions were about understanding myself so I can overcome my circustances. It was not about understanding His plans and purpose. It was not about Him. Fortunately, I learned that God's purpose is not the development of man; God's purpose is to make a man exactlty like Him, and the characteristic of Jesus is self-expenditure (O. Chambers) not self-realization.

A man named Nick Vujicic also asked God the Why? question. Nick was born without arms and legs. Nick grew up facing tremendous obstacles trusting God who he felt has given him less. Nick asked,
"God why have you not given me what you gave others?"
"Why did you take my arms and legs?"
"Why didn't you game me what everybody else has?"

Nick challenged God that he will not open his heart to Him until He answer his questions. As he grew up with his disability, he waited for God to answer. When he was 8 years old he tried to take his life by drowning himself in his parent's bath tub. He failed to go through it because of his love for his parents. One day, his mother showed him an article about a man with severe physical disability that greatly impacted him. He learned that he has a choice to be either be angry with God of what he does not have or be thankful of what has has. Nick's mother also told him, "Nick, God is going to use you; I don't know how, I don't know when, but God's gonna use you."

Since then, Nick served God faithfully. He learned that God can heal without changing the circumstances and it is useless to be complete in the outside but broken in the inside. There will be no outside satisfaction if there is no peace inside. Nick changed and saw himself whole. Nick does not ask God why anymore because he "is not a man without arms and legs but a child of God."

God answered Nick's questions that I believe answers our questions too. So typical of Jesus, He answers question with a question. His answer--"Do you trust Me?" It is not about Nick being physically disable or me being defensive and stubborn or you and your issues, it is about trusting God that He has a purpose.

Reminders when we find ourselved asking "God, Why?":

-God is love and His love endures forever. Therefore, He does not want to punish us. The Cross should be enough of a proof and reminder how much He loves you and me.

-God is Just. He wants us to be with Him. When we sin this desire gets jeopardized becasue "He cannot tolerate sin" and we "need to be like Him." Therefore, His being just results to punish sin and to discipline and to teach us so that we can be free to be with Him.

-God's thoughts are higher than our thoughts. We cannot comprehend everything, which is the reason we ask Why.

-He knows you and me even before we were born and He has plans to prosper and not to harm us. Since we cannot understand everything, believing and reminding ourselves that He has plans for us should ease our mind.

Just don't dare to ask "God, Why?" Since God has the ultimate and unquestionable reasons, asking "Why God?" is just merely whinning. So if it will help your situation to whine, go ahead ask away. However, if I were you ask "What God?" What can I do for YOU?...

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